Recently, one of my dear friends was verbally accosted by her co-worker. Taken by surprise at first, she was blindsided by his vicious and uninvited criticism. She felt the sting of shock as he started to siphon her energy. But before he could really get to her, she remembered that she had donned her imaginary superman suit that morning when preparing for her day. She immediately felt protected from his insults and was able to see him as the energy vampire he was. She waited until he finished his rant that now bounced off of her without a mark, and then noticed he looked confused and frustrated. He was used to being able to rattle people and steal their energy, but this time it wasn’t working. Instead, she took a breath and said, “I am sorry you feel that way. How can I help you?” He really didn’t know what to do with that, so he yelled, “Never mind!” and stormed off. Energy crisis averted.
“All life is energy.” Albert Einstein
At our essence, we are energy, always shifting and changing as we interact with the world around us. We have the capacity to give, receive, or take energy; understanding this allows us to be conscious of the impact we have on others and others have on us. Every connection we have is an exchange of energy. When we build healthy fences with someone, we are mindfully brokering the energy exchange, and at our best we create mutually beneficial connections. Not all exchanges are brokered, however. Some can also blindside us, shock us, and drain us, unless we become aware of how it all works.
Slip on Your White Coat
Most often, especially with empathic individuals, the energy breach starts when we are not aware that we are taking on the emotions and energy of those around us. As a new therapist, years ago, I remember leaving my office after 9 hours of solid counseling appointments each day, feeling heavy hearted, conflicted, and exhausted. Knowing I was heading for certain burnout, I consulted one of my mentors; she shared a brilliant way to handle this common counselor issue. She suggested that I keep a real or imaginary doctor’s white coat at my office, and slip it on when I counseled. The white coat was a reminder to keep myself contained and shielded from absorbing the emotional energies of my clients, allowing me to be completely open and available to them with all of my resources and support. Before I left the office, I was to hang up the “white coat” and leave it there along with any concerns or worries. For a short time in the beginning, I actually used a scarf as a symbol of the white coat, until I felt I could manage to wear an imaginary white coat of my own making. At the end of each workday, I would go through the motions of hanging up my invisible white coat up on the coat rack in the corner of my office. I cannot tell you what a difference this made for me. This technique can be used in any setting at work, at home, and in the classroom. And the “White Coat” can be a scarf, a sweater, a jacket, a throw blanket, or an imaginary cloak.
Superman Suit: Don’t Leave Home Without It
Some people strategically manipulate to gain energy, leaving those around them drained and spent like deflated balloons. They show up as the critical voice, the aggressor, or the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They tend to trick or demean people in order to steal their energy. Most often, they are empty themselves, so they go after other people’s energy. Renowned Intuitive Psychiatrist, Dr. Judith Orloff, calls these people energy vampires because they habitually hunt to suck the life force from others for their own use.
One of the best ways to deal with this is to don your imaginary Superman/Superwoman suit, like my friend did, and wear it under your outfit. It can give you superpowers like insight and perspective, and it can bolsters your confidence, while blocking unauthorized access to your energy.
Create Your Own Energy Force Field
Some people are not aware of what they take or put out energetically, and they can inadvertently overpower or drain energy from others, causing the unsuspecting victims to feel overwhelmed and shut down. Like a human tornado, they leave everything and everyone in a shambles. It’s difficult to predict when this is going to happen because they truly are not conscious of their actions and haven’t yet learned to contain their own big energy. However, practicing a simple force field exercise every day can make it easier to manage. The more you practice, the easier it is to access when you need it. For instance, just for fun, I imagine my force field hums like a Star Wars light saber when it activates, and I picture it as a glowing light around me. There’s just something about this sound vision that helps me to feel brave and open when dealing with a disruptive person or situation.
Not long ago, I was at a small gift shop, deep in thought as I searched for something special for a friend. Familiar relaxing music played and the luscious scent of a candle set an inviting atmosphere. Without warning, the door flew open and sent a shock wave through the shop, rattling glasses and knocking over small displays. Immediately, I felt the hummmmm of my force field turn on as I turned to see what was happening. The blustering woman was talking on her phone as if it was a loud speaker, carrying an oversized purse that she swung around, knocking things over without noticing. A huge energy, she walked around, talking at the top of her lungs; she was completely unaware of the effect she was having on everyone in the store. Fortunately, she stayed for only about 10 minutes before she smashed the doors open when she left, still talking. Everyone stood frozen in place, trying to recoup the calm and joy they had before the woman had entered. Thankfully, with the help of my force field, I was fairly unaffected by her. I helped the owner clean up the trail of items lying on the floor, marking the path the tornado had taken. I felt calm and centered, and offered my peaceful energy to soothe the other people in the shop. Before long, everyone tuned into the lovely music and continued shopping.
Seek Out Positive People
When we are around people with whom we feel safe and supported, the energy exchanges flow easily and reciprocally, and each person feels comfortable and respected. As much as possible surround yourself with others who manage their energy with grace and positive intentions, and be that for others. It makes all the difference.