Avery Soul is the main character in the book Tending Fences. Through his good work of mindfully building useful fences to fortify his connections with his neighbors, Avery learns a thing or two about how to make his world a better place. A bit of an ordinary wise person, he seeks to help others to design and build their own relationship fences. People seek his guidance about important situations in their lives that most of us can relate to in some way or another. Here is a particularly timely message from the collection of Dear Avery letters.
Dear Avery,
My daughter is in her first semester of college now and our relationship is really changing. As 
I gather myself up and begin putting the house back in order, I am so mindful of all that we have been through together. As mom, I have been nurturer, teacher, mentor, cheerleader, friend, coach, and now I am more on the sidelines. It is a strange feeling to notice the momentum of parenting beginning to wane while I step back and let her go. I have mixed feelings of pride and loss, and I am not sure of my next role as mom. What sort of fence should I have now?
Feeling empty handed,
College Mom
Dear College Mom,
My heart goes out to you. We bring our children into the world and every step of the way it is a balancing act between protecting them and letting them venture out. The parenting fence changes often during the years, making room for both leading and watching. But now that your daughter is in college, living in her own place, and given the opportunity to choose everything for herself, your “mom” fence will need to be high enough so that you don’t jump over and start advising her too much. One of the things you have taught her through your example is how to build healthy fences that will protect her from those who mean her harm and connect her with the people she can trust.
Your position in her life is different from anyone else’s because you have been so many things to her: protector and catalyst all at the same time. The truth is: it is her turn to build the proper fence with you, to figure out where she wants you in her life. It is her life, always has been, and thanks to you, she can take the wheel now and navigate from here. So, you’re feelings of loss and pride make perfect sense, but can I add excitement and faith to the mix. As you love her and let her go into the world a bit at a time, do the same for yourself. Though being a mom or a dad can be the most important and fantastic job in a person’s life, ultimately, it is your life that you must drive, your dreams you must follow, and your goals you must reach. As you do that, it leaves room for your daughter to do the same for herself. The new fence will be a work in progress. There will be times when you will get a glimpse of her from your side of the fence as if through the wooden slats of a picket fence, and for the most part, that will be all that is needed. If she needs more than that, she will ask.
With all that said, every child is different and you know yours better than anyone else. Be there in a way that honors your child’s confidence and independence, as well as your own.
With love and understanding,