By Terry Barnett-Martin, LMFT
These days almost everyone seems to have some feelings of dread about Valentine’s Day. The reasons vary…
Jon is in a romantic relationship and the pressure to give the right card, gifts and experience is so overwhelming and expensive, that he just ends up feeling anxious.
Cindy is not in a relationship and she often feels left out and alone.
Maryanne recently lost her love and Valentine’s Day just reminds her of her loss.
Trisha and Mike are in a relationship where one of them is romantic and loves the opportunity to show it, while the other is practical and considers Valentine’s Day a moneymaking, made up holiday. Whatever the case may be for you, it is time to make Valentine’s Day and the whole month of February your own, and shift your focus to enjoying every minute of it. Valentine’s Day is all about honoring the loving and supportive people in your life.
Whether you are in a relationship or not, love starts with you. The first and most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Take a few minutes just to listen to the wonder of your own heartbeat. Breathe in love and compassion, and do something sweet for yourself. Treat yourself to your favorite flowers and a piece of delicious dark chocolate, if you please. Go on the hunt for the perfect Valentine card and buy it for yourself, then write some encouraging words in it. Put on your favorite music and make yourself a delicious dinner. There’s no need to wait for someone else to do something sweet for you.
Gather dear friends together to celebrate what you bring to each other’s lives. Valentine’s Day honors all kinds of love, especially the love of friends who are always there for you. Host a dinner for those closest to you to celebrate the love and friendship that the month of February commemorates. Or invite a few friends to go out to your favorite restaurant and talk and laugh the evening away. No need to dread Valentine’s Day, use it to show your appreciation for your friends that make a difference in your life.
Start a kindness virus. Studies show that loving others is as good for the heart and soul as being loved, and that lasting love relationships are based on kindness, generosity and respect. February shines a light on loving kindness and invites us to look for opportunities to make the day of some unsuspecting person. Make Valentine’s Day a time to intentionally perform acts of kindness for others. Launch a kindness virus starting with small gestures of encouragement for those closest to you, as well as with people you don’t know. Send an email or text a note of appreciation to a dear friend, a love, or even a wonderful co-worker. Holding the door open for the person behind you, going out of your way to compliment someone, leaving a kind post-it note in a coworker’s workspace are all simple, inexpensive acts of loving kindness that change everything in a small, yet powerful way. Humble gestures of unselfish acts of kindness can go viral quickly. The world needs kindness and love in large measure now. Be the start of love.
To the pure hearted lovers of Valentine’s Day, you hold the key to enjoying this holiday, through the joy of giving love straight from your heart out to the world, rather than focusing on what you might or might not get in return. If we all think in those terms and decide to spread loving kindness freely, to ourselves and to others, everybody wins. Let’s take Valentine’s Day back and be the givers of love.